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.You can read all about the project via the "Nepal Diary" link on the left..
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Page still under construction as the photographs need to be reprocessed.
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A Nepali Wedding
Gastronomy is life
Introduction
The visit described in this article was a six-week project started on 19 April 2000. I was advising a tourism college on its curriculum. The two students who accompanied me to the wedding were studying over three years for a degree in Hotel Management. Another student also went along and she was studying Tourism.
Background
British Executive Services Overseas (BESO) is based in London and sends specialists of numerous kinds to developing countries. I was sent to help with the development of the college within a six week project.
Most BESO projects include a social programme to enable the voluntary advisers to acquire a better understanding of the country visited.
In this case, the wedding visit was arranged by the college as host. The action took place in Pokhara, which is 200 kilometres west of Kathmandu.
At the groom’s house
The College Chairman had arranged for me to attend the wedding of a student’s friend. The student, Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung, another student and the owner of the hotel where I was staying, arrived at the wedding venue at 0930.
This was at the groom’s house where about thirty people had already gathered. A car was being decorated just inside the gate.
1 Arrival at the groom's house
1
In photo 1, you have just walked past the car and you can (almost)see people sitting around a structure outside a house. The structure comprises four uprooted banana trees forming a three metre square temple-like arrangement.
The banana tree-trunk is like a large, long egg-plant and is easily removed from the ground and taken somewhere else. The structure has been decorated with other plants and leaves.
The banana tree-trunk is like a large, long egg-plant and is easily removed from the ground and taken somewhere else. The structure has been decorated with other plants and leaves.
2 The groom's father and a holy man
2
Photo 2 - This is a holy man who was going through various preliminary ceremonies with the groom’s father. They involved a fair amount of food of different kinds within the sweetmeat range of Nepali fare. This is called jaghheya.
3 The hired band tunes up
3
A band had assembled (photo 3) and included drums, Nepali horns and two pipes. The pipes were reed instruments about half a metre in length where the reeds comprised four small slats of wood.
Both pipe-players blew their instruments continuously which demands the particularly difficult skill of circulation breathing (ie they don’t stop for breath). The last technicality is that the second pipe-player played as a drone to the first player. The pipe is called sanai. Next to the second piper is a man playing a drum or dholak. To his left a man is playing what resembles two wooden plates being bashed with a stick.
Both pipe-players blew their instruments continuously which demands the particularly difficult skill of circulation breathing (ie they don’t stop for breath). The last technicality is that the second pipe-player played as a drone to the first player. The pipe is called sanai. Next to the second piper is a man playing a drum or dholak. To his left a man is playing what resembles two wooden plates being bashed with a stick.
4 A not-so-so clear view of the sanai
4
The pipes were reed instruments about half a metre in length where the reeds comprised four small slats of wood. There is a metal plate below the reed which keeps it at the right place in the mouth. The quality of the photo ensures that this cannot be seen easily.
5 The narsingha horns
5
If you continue to the right of photo 3 you come across two horn players (photo 5). These horns are called narsingha. At the intersection of the two horns there is joint in the uppermost pipe. At the end of playing, the instruments come apart and the narrow piece is carried within the wider, horn end. Later in the ceremony, the horns are decorated with red cloth.
6 The Groom's father gets wound up
6/7
Not long after our arrival, a man went round with red rice which was used to mark people’s foreheads. Hipti Gurong explained that vermillion is used to colour the rice, after which it is called tika. (This, by the way, is nothing to do with chicken tika.)
Guests seemed to sit in some kind of place allocation but this would not be clear to the western observer. Petal garlands of two lengths are placed around the necks of most people with me receiving the longer version.
Discussion with Jeewan and Hipti revealed that although the tradition is that the bride and groom only meet on their wedding day, things are changing and both can be involved in approving a short-list of potential spouses.
The groom greeted people and had welcomed me personally on arrival. By the present stage, he was looking a bit more ceremonial than at first. Later, he donned a collar of shiny material and small metallic objects, the collar or mala mainly comprising what appeared to be grass (dhuvo). (Photo 9)
He was taking the whole event very calmly and appeared to be confident. Even when the serious stuff took place much later, you imagined he got married three times a week!
A tall, older man is now being wound up in a turban-like head covering (photo 6) (the photo focus calls for imagination) . The process involved colouring with red dye. Questions revealed that he was the groom’s uncle and was some kind of middle-man.
At the same time, the music is rather more frenetic and a sixty-something man is dancing a Nepali dance to the immediate audience of men (photo 7).
Females of various ages are all near or in the house. More guests arrive by the minute and the total so far could be eighty.
Guests seemed to sit in some kind of place allocation but this would not be clear to the western observer. Petal garlands of two lengths are placed around the necks of most people with me receiving the longer version.
Discussion with Jeewan and Hipti revealed that although the tradition is that the bride and groom only meet on their wedding day, things are changing and both can be involved in approving a short-list of potential spouses.
The groom greeted people and had welcomed me personally on arrival. By the present stage, he was looking a bit more ceremonial than at first. Later, he donned a collar of shiny material and small metallic objects, the collar or mala mainly comprising what appeared to be grass (dhuvo). (Photo 9)
He was taking the whole event very calmly and appeared to be confident. Even when the serious stuff took place much later, you imagined he got married three times a week!
A tall, older man is now being wound up in a turban-like head covering (photo 6) (the photo focus calls for imagination) . The process involved colouring with red dye. Questions revealed that he was the groom’s uncle and was some kind of middle-man.
At the same time, the music is rather more frenetic and a sixty-something man is dancing a Nepali dance to the immediate audience of men (photo 7).
Females of various ages are all near or in the house. More guests arrive by the minute and the total so far could be eighty.
7 A Nepali grand-dad takes the floor
8 A bracelet goes on the father's wrist
8/9
The groom’s father and the holy-man are still in quiet action (photo 8) which now involves the latter disposing of rice into the small fire. The fire is a deity.
Nearby, there’s a ceremonial object utilising a yak’s tail and a form of water vessel which has religious significance. This is called a kalas and its function is to bring good luck during the later journey to the bride’s house.
The dancer in photo 7 is now joined by another, younger man who looks as if he is in a trance as he girates. The band leader joins them done up in a head-cloth plus red colour.
Things are warming up outside the house and the females continue to dominate the space immediately in front. The groom remains remarkably calm and by now has moved towards the house (photo 9). The tika mark adorns his forehead.
Nearby, there’s a ceremonial object utilising a yak’s tail and a form of water vessel which has religious significance. This is called a kalas and its function is to bring good luck during the later journey to the bride’s house.
The dancer in photo 7 is now joined by another, younger man who looks as if he is in a trance as he girates. The band leader joins them done up in a head-cloth plus red colour.
Things are warming up outside the house and the females continue to dominate the space immediately in front. The groom remains remarkably calm and by now has moved towards the house (photo 9). The tika mark adorns his forehead.
9 The groom with his mala collar
10 The groom's mother steps forward
10/11/12
You now see the groom’s mother with her head covered by a shawl (photo 10 - front right). The groom then thanks his mother for the milk of maternal kindness. For a brief moment, they both share the same head covering as well as a small amount of curd.
A small girl represents other females involved in the process (photo 11).
Women later insert money notes in the groom’s hat and he transfers them to a pocket (photo 12).
All this, however, is for entertainment and is not part of the official ceremony. (Any event in this culture slightly out of the ordinary and people receive money. This can include going into or coming out of hospital, passing an exam and so on.)
A small girl represents other females involved in the process (photo 11).
Women later insert money notes in the groom’s hat and he transfers them to a pocket (photo 12).
All this, however, is for entertainment and is not part of the official ceremony. (Any event in this culture slightly out of the ordinary and people receive money. This can include going into or coming out of hospital, passing an exam and so on.)
12 You'll need money when you are married
13 What's left after the groom's father is ready
14 - Nepali sweetmeats on a leaf-plate
16 The villagers gather to watch
13/14/15/16
The groom’s father has been witness to all this and photo 13 shows the food that is left over. Later, everybody is given food and photo 14 shows a plateful on my lap. (You’ll be told later about it.)
Not far away, a group of men occupies a bench (photo 15 - to be added), while, on the outskirts of the proceedings, villagers have gathered to watch (photo 16.)
Not far away, a group of men occupies a bench (photo 15 - to be added), while, on the outskirts of the proceedings, villagers have gathered to watch (photo 16.)
17 The temporary restaurant at the bride's house
18 Lunchtime
17/18/19
The band now walks to the road and guests file up behind. Those with the longer garlands take precedence. Soon, all the guests are on their way to the bride’s house led by the groom’s car. Those without cars and that’s most of them, travel in coaches.
Men and boys plus musicians sit on top of the coach and make as much noise as possible as it travels down the main roads. Even more noise, one imagines, if there is an unfortunate accident.
At the same time, the wedding ceremony is under way outside. A coffee table and armchair are brought from the house and placed in front of it. Another holy man is officiating.
Photo 19. The groom sits calmly in the chair while the bride-about-to-be encircles him three times. His special collar is clearly in view. Her head is draped and she walks in subservient posture. The holy man follows her, chanting the while.
She carries a jug called a karnwa and sprinkles drops of water on the ground. They now put tika on each other’s foreheads. They exchange floral garlands. They each put a ring on the other’s finger. Together, they light an incense stick and put it in the middle of the table.
The bride gives her husband curd in a small leaf plate called duna. The curd is a good luck symbol. This part of the ceremony is called soyambar in Nepali.
While all this is going on, the bride’s parents and any relatives of the groom exchange greetings. This is called samdi samdelo garne (where the ne in garne is nay). The bride’s parents give the groom’s parents various ornaments or clothes along with food (and fruit) shown in photo 14.
Men and boys plus musicians sit on top of the coach and make as much noise as possible as it travels down the main roads. Even more noise, one imagines, if there is an unfortunate accident.
There is a lot of social interaction up on the roof. This is in contrast to what had been observed hitherto. Later, when the main eating activity took place in the temporary dining area, it might appear as if people are not interacting. That was the case but one didn't like to delve into too much as a privileged visitor.
At the bride’s house, there is large marquee (photo 17) and people are filing past a hot buffet collecting a meal (18).At the same time, the wedding ceremony is under way outside. A coffee table and armchair are brought from the house and placed in front of it. Another holy man is officiating.
Photo 19. The groom sits calmly in the chair while the bride-about-to-be encircles him three times. His special collar is clearly in view. Her head is draped and she walks in subservient posture. The holy man follows her, chanting the while.
She carries a jug called a karnwa and sprinkles drops of water on the ground. They now put tika on each other’s foreheads. They exchange floral garlands. They each put a ring on the other’s finger. Together, they light an incense stick and put it in the middle of the table.
The bride gives her husband curd in a small leaf plate called duna. The curd is a good luck symbol. This part of the ceremony is called soyambar in Nepali.
While all this is going on, the bride’s parents and any relatives of the groom exchange greetings. This is called samdi samdelo garne (where the ne in garne is nay). The bride’s parents give the groom’s parents various ornaments or clothes along with food (and fruit) shown in photo 14.
19 The bride going round in circles
20
After the meal, the bride’s parents and relatives wash the bride and groom’s feet and, in the process, drink the water and splash it on their own hair. This is called jalkhani, or drink-water.
After this is over, the bride and her father give the groom a cow’s tail and he says something like “I give you my daughter’s hand in marriage. Please treat her nicely as my authority over her is now handed over to you”.
This kanyadan is the official declaration of change of responsibility for the bride. However, all is not over yet as the bride and groom daub each other’s faces with red powder. This sindhur-halne (red-powder-put) is the final stage of the official wedding process.
Later, when they are ready to go back to the groom’s house, the groom needs his shoes but the bride’s sisters have hidden them. They have set a high price on them and he has to negotiate a suitable amount.
A lot of teasing goes on here and, as you will learn, something similar happens later. When, at last, they move towards the car, the bride’s brother carries her to the car over his shoulder.
The students took me back to the college and all three of us returned to the ceremony at 1730. The action (which had already taken place) is back at the groom’s house.
A bed, an armchair, a wardrobe and a few more wedding presents are in front of the house. When the happy pair (well, he looks happy, she doesn’t) arrives, his sister has blocked the entrance. She negotiates the ‘entrance fee’ set by the giggling sisters and pays on behalf of the two of them.
The bride now steps on some paddy (from which rice emanates) which has a small flame coming from it. She must extinguish the flame with her feet.
Then, all the groom’s relatives put tika on the couple while they give them presents. The bride should offer clothes to the close relatives of the groom.
Then the bride and her mother-in-law start to fill a pot with rice which has a nanglo (bamboo mat) underneath it. They scoop rice from the nanglo into the pot. This is called pathi bhorne.
Money has been hidden in the nanglo and the newly-marrieds have to find it. In fact, they have to compete in this activity. If the bride finds it first, it is thought she will soon overcome any mother-in-law problems.
Jeewan took me along to the bride and groom to bid them farewell. I thanked them for the great privilege of participating in such an important event in their lives.
Photo 20 shows the happy pair although she still looks less than happy. Her apparent lack of enjoyment of the event is important as it is not socially acceptable for her to tender so much as a smile.
She may even have to force tears if none come naturally. The step into the groom's parents house to live is an enormous one, especially if you know absolutely nobody!
After this is over, the bride and her father give the groom a cow’s tail and he says something like “I give you my daughter’s hand in marriage. Please treat her nicely as my authority over her is now handed over to you”.
This kanyadan is the official declaration of change of responsibility for the bride. However, all is not over yet as the bride and groom daub each other’s faces with red powder. This sindhur-halne (red-powder-put) is the final stage of the official wedding process.
Later, when they are ready to go back to the groom’s house, the groom needs his shoes but the bride’s sisters have hidden them. They have set a high price on them and he has to negotiate a suitable amount.
A lot of teasing goes on here and, as you will learn, something similar happens later. When, at last, they move towards the car, the bride’s brother carries her to the car over his shoulder.
The students took me back to the college and all three of us returned to the ceremony at 1730. The action (which had already taken place) is back at the groom’s house.
A bed, an armchair, a wardrobe and a few more wedding presents are in front of the house. When the happy pair (well, he looks happy, she doesn’t) arrives, his sister has blocked the entrance. She negotiates the ‘entrance fee’ set by the giggling sisters and pays on behalf of the two of them.
The bride now steps on some paddy (from which rice emanates) which has a small flame coming from it. She must extinguish the flame with her feet.
Then, all the groom’s relatives put tika on the couple while they give them presents. The bride should offer clothes to the close relatives of the groom.
Then the bride and her mother-in-law start to fill a pot with rice which has a nanglo (bamboo mat) underneath it. They scoop rice from the nanglo into the pot. This is called pathi bhorne.
Money has been hidden in the nanglo and the newly-marrieds have to find it. In fact, they have to compete in this activity. If the bride finds it first, it is thought she will soon overcome any mother-in-law problems.
Jeewan took me along to the bride and groom to bid them farewell. I thanked them for the great privilege of participating in such an important event in their lives.
Photo 20 shows the happy pair although she still looks less than happy. Her apparent lack of enjoyment of the event is important as it is not socially acceptable for her to tender so much as a smile.
She may even have to force tears if none come naturally. The step into the groom's parents house to live is an enormous one, especially if you know absolutely nobody!
It puts the matter of arranged marriages in the UK into perspective..
20 - The happy couple
In conclusion
The whole event was extremely interesting and I was keen to thank both students for their kindness throughout the event.
............................................-0-
Additional note relating to photo 14 - food eaten by the guests.
The food is all made from rice-flour and sugar and is mainly deep-fried. The “red spaghetti” is actually sun-dried rice and is known as khuni. To the left, the round, white food item is arsa. The brown banana-shaped item is selroti and the ping-pong-ball-sized things are called kasra. The last item of indeterminate shape to the right is anarasa.
Westerners have a lot to learn about making the most of what is available. The plate, one imagines, is made of leaves left to dry over other plates and, before being left to dry, they are sewn together with pieces of straw.
If you go back to photo 13 you’ll see a basket which held the plates before they were given out. There’s even some of the ‘sewing-straw’ in it. Fascinating!
.............................................-o-
Thanks again to Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung for taking me to the wedding. Thanks are also due to Mhadavi Nepal who helped me write about the details of the wedding ceremony. She got married two years ago (ie 1998) so knows all about it from her personal experience. She told me that hers was an arranged marriage but only half of them today occur in this manner.
............................................-0-
Additional note relating to photo 14 - food eaten by the guests.
The food is all made from rice-flour and sugar and is mainly deep-fried. The “red spaghetti” is actually sun-dried rice and is known as khuni. To the left, the round, white food item is arsa. The brown banana-shaped item is selroti and the ping-pong-ball-sized things are called kasra. The last item of indeterminate shape to the right is anarasa.
Westerners have a lot to learn about making the most of what is available. The plate, one imagines, is made of leaves left to dry over other plates and, before being left to dry, they are sewn together with pieces of straw.
If you go back to photo 13 you’ll see a basket which held the plates before they were given out. There’s even some of the ‘sewing-straw’ in it. Fascinating!
.............................................-o-
Thanks again to Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung for taking me to the wedding. Thanks are also due to Mhadavi Nepal who helped me write about the details of the wedding ceremony. She got married two years ago (ie 1998) so knows all about it from her personal experience. She told me that hers was an arranged marriage but only half of them today occur in this manner.
The original write-up
The following text is the original, unsliced account of the wedding visit. Changes have been made during the photo caption process.
Introduction
The visit described in this article was carried out on 19 April 2000. The writer, Alan Harrison, was a tourism specialist who was in Nepal for six weeks. He was advising a tourism college on its curriculum. The two students who accompanied the writer were studying over three years for a degree in Hotel Management. Another student also contributed and she is studying tourism.
Background
British Executive Services Overseas (BESO) is based in London and sends specialists of numerous kinds to developing countries. I was sent to help with the development of the college within a six week project. Most BESO projects include a social programme which is in this case was arranged by the college as host. The action all takes place in Pokhara, which is 200 kilometres west of Kathmandu.
At the groom’s house
The College Chairman had arranged for me to attend the wedding of a student’s friend. The student, Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung, another student and the owner of the hotel where I was staying, arrived at the wedding venue at 0930. This was the groom’s house where about thirty people had already gathered. A car was being decorated just inside the gate. In photo 1, you have just walked past the car and you can see people sitting around a structure outside a house. The structure comprises four uprooted banana trees forming a three metre square temple-like arrangement. The banana tree-trunk is like a large, long egg-plant and is easily removed from the ground and taken somewhere else. The structure has been decorated with other plants and leaves.
Photo 2 - you can see the banana trees and one is behind a holy man who was going through various preliminary ceremonies with the groom’s father. This involved a fair amount of food of different kinds within the sweetmeat range of Nepali fare. This is called jaghheya. A band had assembled (photo 3) and included drums, Nepali horns and two pipes. The pipes were reed instruments about half a metre in length where the reeds comprised four small slats of wood. Photo 4 shows the size of the instrument. Note the metal plate below the reed which keeps it at the right place in the mouth.
Both pipe-players blew their instruments continuously which demands the particularly difficult skill of circulation breathing (ie they don’t stop for breath). The last technicality is that the second pipe-player played as a drone to the first player. The pipe is called sanai. Next to the second piper is a man playing a drum or dholak. To his left a man is playing what resembles two wooden plates being bashed with a stick.
If you continue to the right of photo 3 you come across two horn players (photo 5). These horns are called narsingha. At the intersection of the two horns you can see a joint in the uppermost pipe. At the end of playing, the instruments come apart and the narrow piece is carried within the wider, horn end. Later in the ceremony, the horns are decorated with red cloth.
Not long after our arrival, a man went round with red rice which was used to mark people’s foreheads. Hipti Gurong explained that vermillion is used to colour the rice, after which it is called tika. (This, by the way, is nothing to do with chicken tika.) Guests seemed to sit in some kind of place allocation but this would not be clear to the western observer. Petal garlands of two lengths are placed around the necks of most people with me receiving the longer version. Discussion with Jeewan and Hipti revealed that although the tradition is that the bride and groom only meet on their wedding day, things are changing and both can be involved in approving a short-list of potential spouses.
The groom greeted people and had welcomed me personally on arrival. By the present stage, he was looking a bit more ceremonial than at first. Later, he donned a collar of shiny material and small metallic objects, the collar or mala mainly comprising what appeared to be grass (dhuvo). He was taking the whole event very calmly and appeared to be confident. Even when the serious stuff took place much later, you imagined he got married three times a week!
A tall, older man is now being wound up in a turban-like head covering (photo 6). The process involved colouring with red dye. Questions revealed that he was the groom’s uncle and was some kind of middle-man. At the same time, the music is rather more frenetic and a sixty-something man is dancing a Nepali dance to the immediate audience of men (photo 7). Females of various ages are all near or in the house. More guests arrive by the minute and the total so far could be eighty.
The groom’s father and the holy-man are still in quiet action (photo 8) which now involves the latter disposing of rice into the small fire. The fire is a deity. Nearby, there’s a ceremonial object utilising a yak’s tail and a form of water vessel which has religious significance. This is called a kalas and its function is to bring good luck during the later journey to the bride’s house.
The dancer is now joined by another, younger man who looks as if he is in a trance as he girates. The band leader is now done up in a head-cloth plus red colour. Things are warming up outside the house and the females continue to dominate the space immediately in front. The groom remains remarkably calm and by now has moved towards the house (photo 9). The tika mark adorns his forehead.
You now see the groom’s mother with her head covered by a shawl (photo 10). The groom then thanks his mother for the milk of maternal kindness. For a brief moment, they both share the same head covering as well as a small amount of curd. A small girl represents other females involved in the process (photo 11). Women later insert money notes in the groom’s hat and he transfers them to a pocket (number 12). All this, however, is for entertainment and is not part of the official ceremony. (Any event slightly out of the ordinary and people receive money. This can include going into or coming out of hospital, passing an exam and so on.)
The groom’s father has been witness to all this and photo 13 shows the food that is left over. Later, everybody is given food and photo 14 shows a plateful on my lap. (You’ll be told later about it.) Not far away, a group of men occupy a bench (photo 15), while, on the outskirts of the proceedings, villagers have gathered to watch (photo 16.)
The band now walks to the road and guests file up behind. Those with the longer garlands take precedence. Soon, all the guests are on their way to the bride’s house led by the groom’s car. Those without cars and that’s most of them, travel in coaches. Men and boys plus musicians sit on top of the coach and make as much noise as possible as it travels down the main roads. Even more noise, one imagines, if there is an unfortunate accident.
At the bride’s house, there is large marquee (photo 17) and people are filing past a hot buffet collecting a meal (18). At the same time, the wedding ceremony is under way outside. A coffee table and armchair are brought from the house and placed in front of it. Another holy-man is officiating. The groom sits calmly in the chair while the bride-to-be encircles him three times. His special collar is clearly in view. Her head is draped and she walks in subservient posture. She carries a jug called a karnwa and sprinkles drops of water on the ground. They now put tika on each other’s forehead. The exchange floral garlands. They each put a ring on the other’s finger. Together, they light an incense stick and put it in the middle of the table. The bride gives her husband curd in a small leaf plate called duna. The curd is a good luck symbol. This part of the ceremony is called soyambar in Nepali.
While all this is going on, the bride’s parents and any relatives of the groom exchange greetings. This is called samdi samdelo garne (where the ne in garne is nay). The bride’s parents give the groom’s parents various ornaments or clothes along with food (and fruit) shown in photo 14.
After the meal, the bride’s parents and relatives wash the bride and groom’s feet and, in the process, drink the water and splash it on their own hair. This is called jalkhani, or drink-water. After this is over, the bride and her father give the groom a cow’s tail and he says something like “I give you my daughter’s hand in marriage. Please treat her nicely as my authority over her is now handed over to you”. This kanyadan is the official declaration of change of responsibility for the bride. However, all is not over yet as the bride and groom daub each other’s faces with red powder. This sindhur-halne (red-powder-put) is the final stage of the official wedding process.
Later, when they are ready to go back to the groom’s house, the groom needs his shoes but the bride’s sisters have hidden them. They have set a high price on them and he has to negotiate a suitable amount. A lot of teasing goes on here and, as you will learn, something similar happens later. When, at last, they move towards the car, the bride’s brother carries her to the car over his shoulder.
The students took me back to the college and all three of us return to the ceremony at 1730. The action (which had already taken place) is back at the groom’s house. A bed, an armchair, a wardrobe and a few more wedding presents are in front of the house. When the happy pair (well, he looks happy, she doesn’t) arrives, his sister has blocked the entrance. She negotiates the ‘entrance fee’ set by the giggling sisters and pays on behalf of the two of them. The bride now steps on some paddy (from which rice emanates) which has a small flame coming from it. She must extinguish the flame with her feet. Then, all the groom’s relatives put tika on the couple while they give them presents. The bride should offer clothes to the close relatives of the groom.
Then the bride and her mother-in-law start to fill a pot with rice which has a nanglo (bamboo mat) underneath it. They scoop rice from the nanglo into the pot. This is called pathi bhorne. Money has been hidden in the nanglo and the newly-marrieds have to find it. In fact, they have to compete in this activity. If the bride finds it first, it is thought she will soon overcome any mother-in-law problems. Jeewan took me along to the bride and groom to bid them farewell. I thanked them for the great privilege of participating in such an important event in their lives. Photo 20 shows the happy pair although she still looks less than happy. Her apparent lack of enjoyment of the event is important as it is not socially acceptable for her to tender so much as a smile. She may even have to force tears if none come naturally. The step into the groom's parents house to live is an enormous one, especially if you know absolutely nobody!
The whole event was extremely interesting and I was keen to thank both students for their kindness throughout the event.
-0-
Additional note relating to photo 14 - food eaten by the guests.
The food is all made from rice-flour and sugar and is mainly deep-fried. The “red spaghetti” is actually sun-dried rice and is known as khuni. To the left, the round, white food item is arsa. The brown banana-shaped item is selroti and the ping-pong-ball-sized things are called kasra. The last item of indeterminate shape to the right is anarasa.
Westerners have a lot to learn about making the most of what is available. The plate, one imagines, is made of leaves left to dry over other plates and, before being left to dry, they are sewn together with pieces of straw. If you go back to photo 13 you’ll see a basket which held the plates before they were given out. There’s even some of the ‘sewing-straw’ in it. Fascinating!
Thanks again to Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung for taking me to the wedding. Thanks are also due to Mhadavi Nepal who helped me write about the details of the wedding ceremony. She got married two years ago so knows all about it from her personal experience. She told me that hers was an arranged marriage but only half of them today occur in this manner.
Introduction
The visit described in this article was carried out on 19 April 2000. The writer, Alan Harrison, was a tourism specialist who was in Nepal for six weeks. He was advising a tourism college on its curriculum. The two students who accompanied the writer were studying over three years for a degree in Hotel Management. Another student also contributed and she is studying tourism.
Background
British Executive Services Overseas (BESO) is based in London and sends specialists of numerous kinds to developing countries. I was sent to help with the development of the college within a six week project. Most BESO projects include a social programme which is in this case was arranged by the college as host. The action all takes place in Pokhara, which is 200 kilometres west of Kathmandu.
At the groom’s house
The College Chairman had arranged for me to attend the wedding of a student’s friend. The student, Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung, another student and the owner of the hotel where I was staying, arrived at the wedding venue at 0930. This was the groom’s house where about thirty people had already gathered. A car was being decorated just inside the gate. In photo 1, you have just walked past the car and you can see people sitting around a structure outside a house. The structure comprises four uprooted banana trees forming a three metre square temple-like arrangement. The banana tree-trunk is like a large, long egg-plant and is easily removed from the ground and taken somewhere else. The structure has been decorated with other plants and leaves.
Photo 2 - you can see the banana trees and one is behind a holy man who was going through various preliminary ceremonies with the groom’s father. This involved a fair amount of food of different kinds within the sweetmeat range of Nepali fare. This is called jaghheya. A band had assembled (photo 3) and included drums, Nepali horns and two pipes. The pipes were reed instruments about half a metre in length where the reeds comprised four small slats of wood. Photo 4 shows the size of the instrument. Note the metal plate below the reed which keeps it at the right place in the mouth.
Both pipe-players blew their instruments continuously which demands the particularly difficult skill of circulation breathing (ie they don’t stop for breath). The last technicality is that the second pipe-player played as a drone to the first player. The pipe is called sanai. Next to the second piper is a man playing a drum or dholak. To his left a man is playing what resembles two wooden plates being bashed with a stick.
If you continue to the right of photo 3 you come across two horn players (photo 5). These horns are called narsingha. At the intersection of the two horns you can see a joint in the uppermost pipe. At the end of playing, the instruments come apart and the narrow piece is carried within the wider, horn end. Later in the ceremony, the horns are decorated with red cloth.
Not long after our arrival, a man went round with red rice which was used to mark people’s foreheads. Hipti Gurong explained that vermillion is used to colour the rice, after which it is called tika. (This, by the way, is nothing to do with chicken tika.) Guests seemed to sit in some kind of place allocation but this would not be clear to the western observer. Petal garlands of two lengths are placed around the necks of most people with me receiving the longer version. Discussion with Jeewan and Hipti revealed that although the tradition is that the bride and groom only meet on their wedding day, things are changing and both can be involved in approving a short-list of potential spouses.
The groom greeted people and had welcomed me personally on arrival. By the present stage, he was looking a bit more ceremonial than at first. Later, he donned a collar of shiny material and small metallic objects, the collar or mala mainly comprising what appeared to be grass (dhuvo). He was taking the whole event very calmly and appeared to be confident. Even when the serious stuff took place much later, you imagined he got married three times a week!
A tall, older man is now being wound up in a turban-like head covering (photo 6). The process involved colouring with red dye. Questions revealed that he was the groom’s uncle and was some kind of middle-man. At the same time, the music is rather more frenetic and a sixty-something man is dancing a Nepali dance to the immediate audience of men (photo 7). Females of various ages are all near or in the house. More guests arrive by the minute and the total so far could be eighty.
The groom’s father and the holy-man are still in quiet action (photo 8) which now involves the latter disposing of rice into the small fire. The fire is a deity. Nearby, there’s a ceremonial object utilising a yak’s tail and a form of water vessel which has religious significance. This is called a kalas and its function is to bring good luck during the later journey to the bride’s house.
The dancer is now joined by another, younger man who looks as if he is in a trance as he girates. The band leader is now done up in a head-cloth plus red colour. Things are warming up outside the house and the females continue to dominate the space immediately in front. The groom remains remarkably calm and by now has moved towards the house (photo 9). The tika mark adorns his forehead.
You now see the groom’s mother with her head covered by a shawl (photo 10). The groom then thanks his mother for the milk of maternal kindness. For a brief moment, they both share the same head covering as well as a small amount of curd. A small girl represents other females involved in the process (photo 11). Women later insert money notes in the groom’s hat and he transfers them to a pocket (number 12). All this, however, is for entertainment and is not part of the official ceremony. (Any event slightly out of the ordinary and people receive money. This can include going into or coming out of hospital, passing an exam and so on.)
The groom’s father has been witness to all this and photo 13 shows the food that is left over. Later, everybody is given food and photo 14 shows a plateful on my lap. (You’ll be told later about it.) Not far away, a group of men occupy a bench (photo 15), while, on the outskirts of the proceedings, villagers have gathered to watch (photo 16.)
The band now walks to the road and guests file up behind. Those with the longer garlands take precedence. Soon, all the guests are on their way to the bride’s house led by the groom’s car. Those without cars and that’s most of them, travel in coaches. Men and boys plus musicians sit on top of the coach and make as much noise as possible as it travels down the main roads. Even more noise, one imagines, if there is an unfortunate accident.
At the bride’s house, there is large marquee (photo 17) and people are filing past a hot buffet collecting a meal (18). At the same time, the wedding ceremony is under way outside. A coffee table and armchair are brought from the house and placed in front of it. Another holy-man is officiating. The groom sits calmly in the chair while the bride-to-be encircles him three times. His special collar is clearly in view. Her head is draped and she walks in subservient posture. She carries a jug called a karnwa and sprinkles drops of water on the ground. They now put tika on each other’s forehead. The exchange floral garlands. They each put a ring on the other’s finger. Together, they light an incense stick and put it in the middle of the table. The bride gives her husband curd in a small leaf plate called duna. The curd is a good luck symbol. This part of the ceremony is called soyambar in Nepali.
While all this is going on, the bride’s parents and any relatives of the groom exchange greetings. This is called samdi samdelo garne (where the ne in garne is nay). The bride’s parents give the groom’s parents various ornaments or clothes along with food (and fruit) shown in photo 14.
After the meal, the bride’s parents and relatives wash the bride and groom’s feet and, in the process, drink the water and splash it on their own hair. This is called jalkhani, or drink-water. After this is over, the bride and her father give the groom a cow’s tail and he says something like “I give you my daughter’s hand in marriage. Please treat her nicely as my authority over her is now handed over to you”. This kanyadan is the official declaration of change of responsibility for the bride. However, all is not over yet as the bride and groom daub each other’s faces with red powder. This sindhur-halne (red-powder-put) is the final stage of the official wedding process.
Later, when they are ready to go back to the groom’s house, the groom needs his shoes but the bride’s sisters have hidden them. They have set a high price on them and he has to negotiate a suitable amount. A lot of teasing goes on here and, as you will learn, something similar happens later. When, at last, they move towards the car, the bride’s brother carries her to the car over his shoulder.
The students took me back to the college and all three of us return to the ceremony at 1730. The action (which had already taken place) is back at the groom’s house. A bed, an armchair, a wardrobe and a few more wedding presents are in front of the house. When the happy pair (well, he looks happy, she doesn’t) arrives, his sister has blocked the entrance. She negotiates the ‘entrance fee’ set by the giggling sisters and pays on behalf of the two of them. The bride now steps on some paddy (from which rice emanates) which has a small flame coming from it. She must extinguish the flame with her feet. Then, all the groom’s relatives put tika on the couple while they give them presents. The bride should offer clothes to the close relatives of the groom.
Then the bride and her mother-in-law start to fill a pot with rice which has a nanglo (bamboo mat) underneath it. They scoop rice from the nanglo into the pot. This is called pathi bhorne. Money has been hidden in the nanglo and the newly-marrieds have to find it. In fact, they have to compete in this activity. If the bride finds it first, it is thought she will soon overcome any mother-in-law problems. Jeewan took me along to the bride and groom to bid them farewell. I thanked them for the great privilege of participating in such an important event in their lives. Photo 20 shows the happy pair although she still looks less than happy. Her apparent lack of enjoyment of the event is important as it is not socially acceptable for her to tender so much as a smile. She may even have to force tears if none come naturally. The step into the groom's parents house to live is an enormous one, especially if you know absolutely nobody!
The whole event was extremely interesting and I was keen to thank both students for their kindness throughout the event.
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Additional note relating to photo 14 - food eaten by the guests.
The food is all made from rice-flour and sugar and is mainly deep-fried. The “red spaghetti” is actually sun-dried rice and is known as khuni. To the left, the round, white food item is arsa. The brown banana-shaped item is selroti and the ping-pong-ball-sized things are called kasra. The last item of indeterminate shape to the right is anarasa.
Westerners have a lot to learn about making the most of what is available. The plate, one imagines, is made of leaves left to dry over other plates and, before being left to dry, they are sewn together with pieces of straw. If you go back to photo 13 you’ll see a basket which held the plates before they were given out. There’s even some of the ‘sewing-straw’ in it. Fascinating!
Thanks again to Jeewan Bhandari and Hipti Gurung for taking me to the wedding. Thanks are also due to Mhadavi Nepal who helped me write about the details of the wedding ceremony. She got married two years ago so knows all about it from her personal experience. She told me that hers was an arranged marriage but only half of them today occur in this manner.